Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
