ya dads aren't the best wingmen
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
