my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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