So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
