nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
