First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
