i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
