I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
