If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
