I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
one might say we're banned from that church
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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