Apparently you make a good broom.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
