I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
