seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
