Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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