I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
