Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
