Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
