It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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