I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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