If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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