hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
