Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
