i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
