party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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