We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
