Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
