I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
