I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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