We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
