I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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