Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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