I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
