I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
