I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
