we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
