that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
