Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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