ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
