watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
