She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
