jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
