I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
