i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
