look no pants
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
