I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
