dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
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