I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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