I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
