I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
