dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
