There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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