he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
