I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
