so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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