FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
