I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
