My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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