we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
