The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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