Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
