Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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