Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
