Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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