Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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