she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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