but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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