Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
