They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
