I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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