First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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