I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
