You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
