So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
