You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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