one two three fourrrrnication!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
