im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize