I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
